Just for fun!

You will be mine!!!

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I have translated some jokes for my friends:

A young woman asks in a beauty shop:
- I want my husband to give me more attention. Do you have a perfume that smells like a computer?


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It was once a great pirate and he likes to have fun, putting some lock questions to all masters of vessels captured.

One day, encountered a French ship and, after one wins, the captain asks him:
- Hey, Captain, if I give you two packets of cigarettes, how many you’ll be able to smoke?
- One, reply the French frightened.
- Tomorrow you will be beheaded, replied the great pirate.
The second time, pirates meet a British ship and the story is repeated again:
- Captain, if I give you 3 bottles of whiskey, how many you’ll want to drink?
- Two, he replied.
- You will be beheaded cause you do not give the correct answer.
Third time, a ship without a flag, after one wins, ask for the captain, why he did not participate in combat. A prisoner said that his captain is drunk, and lies in the store ship. He put his man to bring him and when the captain arrives, pirate says,
- Hey captain, you know that I have captured ship, I took the treasures, your people are prisoners now …
But the captain:
- Hic, well, I know that you are cute!
- Look, Captain, I have here a pack of cigarettes, if I give it to you, how many you smoke? Pirate asked.
- Hic, I’ll smoke two, cause I have also one, says the captain, pulling a pack from his pocket.
- Bravo, Captain! But if I give you 2 bottles of whiskey, how many you drink?
- Three, with the one I have with me! Said the captain.
- But remember that I have 3 wives, how many you were able to make love?
Captain said slowly:
- Four.
- How, Captain, I have only three?
- Well didn’t I tell you that you’re cute?

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In a pharmacy owner sees a guy leaning against the wall. Asks the salesman:

- What’s up with that guy? What has him?

Seller:

- He came to give him some cough remedy. I didn’t found the cough syrup, so I gave him a bottle of laxative!

Owner:

- Are you stupid! How to give him a laxative for cough?

Seller:

- Oh, look at him! Now he is afraid to cough!

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A psychiatrist’s office. Door opens and a man on all fours, enters crawling with something in his mouth. Psychiatrist:

-Oh! Who came to us? A kitten?

The man crawls in a corner of cabinet. Doctor follows him:

- A puppy?

A man passes his hand on the wall and crawl into the other corner.

The doctor would not give up:

- Ah! I think it’s a hedgehog! No? A turtle?

The man pulls out a cable from the mouth and says:

- Look, do you let me install the Internet?

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An airline pilot, a sailor and master Gheorghe stood talking.

The pilot says:

- I, when I land, I call my wife and I warn her that I come home. I don’t like to have problems!

Sailor says:

- When the ship dock, I give a phone home, I don’t like to have trouble!

Master Gheorghe was silent. Both have jumped on him with questions:

- What? You do not do the same, in order not to have problems?

To which he says:

- No, I call on the door and go to the window! None so far escaped, until now…